As a coach, my greatest moment of joy occurs when my coachee connects with me.
That moment when we both arrive on the same page in the coachee’s story of growth and improvement.
For some, the moment is instantaneous, as soon as we meet. For others, the moment takes more work to arrive at but, in some ways it is sweeter and much more rewarding when it does happen.
To visualize that latter moment, I imagine myself as a Sherpa climbing up a mountain with my coachee in tow behind me.
I’m trying to lead the way, pointing out interesting sights and sounds along the path. However, they don’t seem to be interested. They’re not sure where we’re going or why we’re even on the mountain! If they had their druthers, they’d be back home watching television.
I often have to slow down and wait for my coachee to catch up. As we arrive at the first plateau, I quickly scale up the face until I’m standing on top of the plateau. As I look down at my coachee, I can see they’re struggling to join me and just about ready to give up.
That’s when I extend my hand towards them to offer help.
The moment my coachee accepts my outstretched hand and allows me to pull them up onto the plateau becomes that moment of real connection.
From that point on, we begin climbing together in lockstep towards their next peak. We start taking turns leading and following as we climb from peak to peak. The mountain has become the “Coachee’s Mountain” to conquer and summit.
Connection is important in any relationship. Connection that is real and deep.
For the Coach-Coachee relationship, it’s the starting point for an effective and rewarding relationship. A relationship that is meaningful first and foremost for the coachee. It is not about the coach and what they know. It is about the coach and how they help the coachee surface what they need most in the moment. What’s in it and holds meaning for the coachee in that coaching moment.
What qualifies as “meaningful” will be different for every coachee. Every viable coaching relationship starts off with a few sparks of general awareness. Such as recognition of a gap between where the coachee is currently and where they would like to be in future.
The coach’s job is to fan and ignite those sparks of general awareness into flames of personal insight and action.
Moving the coachee:
- From theory to application
- From analogy to reality
- From public to personal
- From ignition to liftoff
Here’s a recent collection of different ignition points I’ve used to breakthrough and connect with coachees.
- Offering one reluctant coachee a way to share their opinions both positive and negative, of others
- Mediating an emotionally charged lack of role clarity between a coachee and their manager
- Highlighting that it’s ok and even necessary to be less pedantic and more willing to go off script when guiding others
- Fuelling the pursuit of collective ownership and collaboration in developing user stories
- Facilitating the replacement of an under performing colleague
- Using their real work vs hypothetical examples to illustrate application of concepts and practices
- Providing hands-on hints and tips on the use of a new tool
As you can see, there can be as many different ignition points as there are individual coachees.
Every time I uncover a new ignition point, it brings me joy.
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